`tHe NeVeReNdInG fAiRyTaLe~hApPiLy EvEr AfTeR iS nOt ThAt FaR iS iT?` RyAn & MiNdY

Friday, May 26, 2006
3:15 AM

~If I'm gone...~

These words are dedicated to people who means most to me. I'm afraid I may not have the chance to tell you how much my life has been enriched with your presence.

Dearest
Ma and Pa
I'm grateful for all that you have done for me and I'm very blessed to be loved by you. I'm sorry I haven't been fillial to you and I've made you sad with my rebelliousness especially in past few years. I love you but it seems that my actions do not reflect that. I'm sorry that I can't do more for you and I will never be able to repay your kindness in this lifetime. I want to thank you for bringing me to this world and it has opened my eyes to many wonderful things in life. You have given me an education which has helped me look at the world and learn and understand from life's lessons. Even though we have arguments or quarrels I don't regret being your daughter in this lifetime. I hope I can still be your daughter in the next lifetime and I will be able to fulfill my duty as your daughter. I hope you two enjoy good health and are happy. If I'm no longer around, it's ok to donate any part of my body. Also, I probably don't have much money or things I will be leaving behind but it's all yours to decide how you want to deal with it.

Bro
I'm sorry that I have a volatile relationship with you sometimes. I love you even though I hate to admit it. I understand that I haven't been the best sister around, I'm sorry. Thanks for the times we had as kids you bringing me out to have fun, buying food for me and tolerating with my nonsense. Pa and Ma loves you too please trust me on that. Although they are not very expressive about their love for us, they show it in their own ways. Please help me to take care of Pa and Ma when i'm not around. I believe you have a vast amount of potential to be the person you want to be. Please take care and try not to smoke too much k? It's painful to hear you cough in the middle of the night sometimes (Pa, hope you can quit smoking. It's bad for health).

Mars Bar
I don't know if it's appropriate to call you that now but I guess I feel more comfortable calling you this. Thank you for the wonderful moments we have shared in the past and for letting me experience the love I've always dreamt about in my life. I've learnt a lot from you. On how to think and care for another person, experiencing an indescribable happiness in my life and much more. The happiest moments in my life belong to the times when we were together. I love you as much as my family if not more. You are truly amazing and unique in your ways and I love you for who you are. Please believe in yourself because you are indeed capable and good. You are like my guardian angel who'll watch over me and protect me. I'm sorry for the times I have hurt you, I wish I can make amends. Please take care of your health and try to sleep early k? My heart aches when you are sick and when you are feeling low. I'm sorry I can't do more for you but I hope you can be happy in whatever you choose to do.

Elfie
Thanks bro. You are the only person who understands me truly and accept me totally for who I am. We are so similar and I suppose that isn't just a coincidence that we get to know each other in this lifetime. Even though we aren't real siblings, thanks for being there for me and caring for me. I hope Elisa and you would be together forever. I hope you can always be happy and cheerful. Don't smoke so much k? Pass to me I smoke for you. Bad for health la.

Hui Ting, Sheela, Adeline, Chun Ling
Thanks gals. You four are my best buddies. I don't know how to thank you enough for always being there for me and helping me everytime I have problems. I'm grateful for that unconditional love you have accorded to this friend who doesn't do enough for you and hasn't been there. Adeline, I hope you and Sunny will have a wonderful blissful marriage. Hui Ting, Chun Ling and Sheela, You three are great gals and I know the guys who will be with you are going to be the most fortunate people around. I hope you all will always be happy and things go well for you. I love you very much and I hope I can have the honour to know you girls in my next life again.

Others
To those friends whom i have known over the years, thanks for being there for me. I also had great fun being in your company. I appreciate the things you have done for me. I'm not sure what I can say because words aren't enough to express how I feel. I'm happy to know my relatives and other people who affected my life in a positive way especially Andy's mother and Weisheng's mother. I'm fortunate to be able to have the pleasure and honour to know and interact with all these people who has made a difference in my life. I wish I will be able to repay everyone for the love and kindness you have given me but I guess i will not be able to do so as it'll never be enough no matter how I try. I hope everyone will be able to well in all aspects of their lives.

imlost...
inafairytale

Sunday, May 21, 2006
7:24 PM

~every single day~

every single day drags on like a year
there's nothing to look forward to
wish that she will not awake from her sleep
and she goes away to a faraway land
she's exhausted and tired with living this lie
she wish she would die
she's never strong to begin with
yet others expect that of her
she's just useless and selfish
letting people down all the time
she's struggling to keep her spirits up
but nothing seems to work
lost and alone
would anyone cry when she's gone
or even remember she's ever existed
she doesn't know
she wants to give up
she doesn't want to continue a pointless existence
all she ever wanted was to be happy
but this is nothing but a broken dream
which will never come true
she didn't mean to hurt anyone
she's sorry for the past she had done so
she's never a good person
that's why she doesn't deserve to be happy

imlost...
inafairytale

Thursday, May 18, 2006
2:23 AM

~Does he know?~

Does he know that she does not value the things people think are prerequisites for a lover?

Love is not about wanting attributes like looks, height, intelligence, money and characteristics such as being nice.

She doesn't want to love someone who's nicer to her because she loves only him. There are many people out there who are better than she is but he still loves her all the same.

She doesn't know the reason why she loves him but it doesn't matter.

She only wants to be with him for the rest of her life. Even if he doesn't want to be with her, she will not be with anyone else.

She is sad that he doubts or misunderstands her sometimes but she knows he doesn't mean it because he cannot see what is going on sometimes.

She understands that when she's hurt, he never meant for it to be that way.

She knows that even if he doesn't say a thing it doesn't mean he doesn't care.

He is special in her eyes and no matter what he does, she will not change how she feel about him.

She refuses to listen to what everyone is telling her because she can see beyond what they see.

Even when he pushes her away, she never wants to leave until the day she dies.

She understands how he is feeling and it pains her to know he is doing things to hurt himself.

She has never lost faith in him and she hopes he doesn't lose his faith in her.

She knows sometimes she has to make the first move but she doesn't mind because love is not about face or ego, it's about being there for the other person when he needs you.

imlost...
inafairytale

Wednesday, May 17, 2006
9:56 PM

~Lie With Me~

This post is meant for 12/5/06 (Fri) but my stupid com is still not back yet.. Not able to go online for about a week.. But now at cousin's home so I can finally post some stuff.

Scene starts off with a wide-eyed, beautiful redhead staring at something until we finally see what’s going on. Leila was staring at the television screen watching porn and masturbating at the same time. After getting her fix, she puts on a top and heads out to the streets of Toronto as she always does. Leila starts narrating about her views on sex. She loves sex and she’s extremely sexually liberated. Having condoms ever ready in her bag, the gorgeous girl knows she turns heads wherever she goes and knows she can have any man she desires using her charms.

Leila enjoys clubbing alone because she gets to dance, more specifically dirty-dancing with men who are strangers. She always ends up bedding one of her conquests or even more than one if she decides to have more excitement. Leila knows how to turn a man weak at his knees, how to turn him on, how to make herself experience pleasure with any man.

She doesn’t believe in love but has faith in pleasures in the flesh when she meets one of her cousin for her wedding dress fitting and says to her, “You gave up explosive great sex for love, fucking one guy for your entire life?” However, Leila is not just a one-dimensional promiscuous girl when she questions her cousin on how she could fuck her ex one month before her wedding.

Leila’s life changes one day when she meets a sexy, beautiful guy, David when she heads out for a clubbing session. Leila goes to the restroom to wash up and this guy goes in with her. She starts drinking from the tap and he cups both his hands for the water to rest in as the water gushes out from it. After drinking from his hands, she gets up and the two persons start gazing at each other. At that point of time, it seems like they have fallen in love at first sight and being in the situation they are in, the sexual tension in the air was high. Finally, something happened. “David, what are you doing in there?” his girlfriend called out and started knocking on the door. David hesitated for a moment. He gazed longingly at Leila and proceeded to open the door. He walked out of the restroom. Leila followed suit. A snaking long queue had formed outside the stall and the people in the queue viewed her in a manner which seemed to say, “What the hell were you two people doing so long in the bathroom? Fucking?”

David went back to his girlfriend, sipping on his drink while Leila hit the dancefloor grinding and bumping with two guys. All this time, the two could not keep their eyes off each other. David’s girlfriend noticed the two had something for each other. Leila decided to hook with this short guy and grabbed his hand as she headed out of the club. David could have felt extremely jealous at that point of time while Leila was doing something to spite him, giving a chance to a guy lesser than him.

Leila and the short guy landed up at a secluded spot away from the club. She proceeded to make her move on the guy after joking with him. “Are you shy?” she asked. He says, “Yes, I’m really shy.” She unzips his jeans, hikes up her skirt removing her underwear and continues by performing fellatio on him.

Meanwhile, David and his girlfriend had also gone out of the club and he drove them to the secluded spot where Leila and the short guy were. David’s girlfriend was amused when she spotted Leila giving oral sex to the “Shy guy” and giggled. David kept staring. Leila finished what she was doing and she took out a condom from her bag and passed it to the guy. She warned him, “Don’t come until I tell you to.” Leila turned around and saw David and his girlfriend in the truck. She didn’t stop what she was doing as the guy was screwing her. David’s girlfriend seemed to get really turned on and took off her top while initiating a move on David. Soon, David and she were also screwing in the front seat. The strangest thing was that David and Leila couldn’t stop looking at each other while their respective partners were doing something to them. It probably was a surreal scene. Leila and the shy guy finished what they had been doing and she left while David seemed distant from his girlfriend after she moved back to the seat beside him.

After that day, Leila could not stop fantasizing about David. Although she had not spoken a single word to this stranger, she was captivated by him. Leila’s and David’s paths did cross when Leila passed by David’s home and he saw her while she walked past. She had not noticed him. It was not long before David got out of his house and followed Leila to the streets. They landed in a children’s playground where there were a few huge tubes around where kids could go into. David went into one of them while Leila went in from the other side. She held on to her polka dotted dress until she decided to use her seductive charm and released it exposing her underwear and undid the ribbon around her halter neck dress, exposing part of her chest. David’s hand was near his crotch. Just when you thought something incredible would happen, David suddenly got up and disappeared, leaving the bewildered Leila alone. She quickly wore her dress properly and got out of the tube. David had disappeared and there was a couple kissing passionately at the playground.

Leila couldn’t stop thinking about David for days. They met again while Leila was walking on the streets as usual. This time, she walked faster as David followed behind her. Leila started running and he began running too. Eventually, after running for a distance, Leila was tired and David caught up with her. David asked her to follow him to his home. Leila agreed by holding his hand when he held it out to her.

Leila started touching stuff in David’s home when he asked her to wait while he went into his bedroom. It was rather comical when she explored like a little kid and accidentally turned on the television when she pressed on the remote control. Leila frantically tried to switch it off and decided to stop her nonsense. Walking to the window and looking out from it, David came and hugged her from behind. What followed next was passionate lovemaking. After Leila and David had reached their climaxes, Leila got up and pulled David up from the floor. She hugged him while he zipped up his jeans and he hugged her back. When she looked into his eyes, he asked if it was possible to see her around like go on a date or something. Leila gave him her workplace number where she worked as a front office customer service officer while he gave her his home number.

David’s girlfriend discovered the infidelity of her boyfriend when she turned up at Leila’s workplace. David’s girlfriend made some sarcastic remarks before launching a question which got Leila dumbfounded. “So, did you fuck him?” Leila had given herself away too when her body language started showing signs that she was guilty. David’s girlfriend continued, “Just because he fucked you doesn’t mean he loves you.” After this, she left and Leila was upset and left speechless.

For a while, Leila laid low. She couldn’t suppress her feelings for David and decided to call him. “Hey David, I’m Leila. I…” She hung up the call and went to look for David at his apartment. Fortunately, David’s girlfriend was not at his home. When David looked at Leila panting as she was nervous and excited to see him, he got up from his bed and as expected, they had a mind-blowing experience again. Leila fell asleep and upon waking up, she did not find David beside her. She went to the bathroom and saw David bathing his father, David’s father was wheelchair bound and he seemed very close to David. After David had bathed his father, his father got up and saw Leila. “I see a beautiful girl.” Leila apologized for her rudeness on her intrusion. However, Leila’s father commented that she was welcome to engage in premarital sex in his home while David felt embarrassed. Leila dressed up and left his home.

From then on, Leila made very frequent visits to David’s home. Leila was no longer bonking with other guys and she ended up having this constant urge to have sex exclusively with David only. Leila couldn’t stop thinking about David when she was not with him. However, beyond the frequent copulation the couple engaged in, they had trouble communicating with each other. This became apparent when one day something bad happened.

David’s father passed away peacefully in his sleep on the couch when David awoke to wake his father up. At the time, it was his girlfriend who was sleeping beside him in bed before he made the dreaded discovery. David sought solace in Leila. When she came over, he was devastated and sobbed uncontrollably. David made her promise that she would never leave him, however to her at that point of time, she thought that was a promise she could not keep or agree to. Leila wasn’t sure if she loved David and went out to club alone as usual before returning to David’s home. He asked her where she went as he could not find her on waking up. Leila replied that she went to the club to dance and that she loved dancing very much. However, she told him she will not leave him alone again without telling him. David seemed angry and upset but he did not voice out his displeasure much while his body language gave him away.

David and Leila went clubbing together as a couple and Leila felt exhilarated to be seen with him as a couple. Leila, being the flirtatious girl whom she was, ended up dirty dancing with two guys and seemed to be enjoying herself very much. Leila incurred David’s wrath unwittingly as she sought to enjoy herself but she did not realize the folly of her actions. David was extremely jealous when Leila disregarded his feelings by dancing with the two strangers in full view of him watching. When the couple returned to the apartment, David mocked Leila by asking her about her past experience where she was having sex with two guys: doing a blowjob for one and the other screwing her from behind. She admitted that it happened and David called her a slut. Actually, he wasn’t upset about her past experience and Leila could see that. She teasingly said, “You are jealous because I was dancing with those two guys right?” She laid on the bed as he ordered her to remove her clothing. Leila kept apologizing to David. He did not want to go close to her but she cajoled him to do so and the couple made up.

One day, Leila came to David’s home. She found him lying on the couch. As usual, she wanted to get physically intimate with him but he rejected her advances and started scolding her. “Just get away from me, you slut.” However, he apologized at the same time and then he scolded her using hurtful terms on her again. He told her to get out of his house. Leila was angry and upset as she got out of his home. Only then do we know the rationale for his baffling behavior: David’s girlfriend came out from the room. She had planned this to happen and we can sort of figure out that she was responsible for David’s actions that very day.

For a period of time, Leila did not look for David. She was facing her own set of problems at home as her parents were facing a divorce. Leila loved both her parents very much but they were not going to stay married. Her mother was sick of getting married to her dad and the house she stayed in as a child was being put out for a sale. As Leila was close to both her parents before their impending divorce, the increasing detachment made her feel lost and empty. She couldn’t help calling David and it was the same as last time when she hung up the call without completing her sentence.

Leila went to look for David at the club with her belongings. David was there with his girlfriend and her gal pal. She pulled him near the exit of the club and spoke to him. With tears running down her cheeks, she said, “I just want to be with you forever. I promise not to leave you and you are the only person I love and want to be with my whole life.” She continued weeping and spoke of her parents’ divorce and how warped up and empty she felt. Leila hugged David tightly and she did not let go. Unexpectedly, David responded by pulling away from her with both hands on her shoulders replying, “Leila, listen. But I don’t want to be with you.” On hearing this, Leila left the club with tears running out from her eyes.

Leila returned to her lifestyle which she engaged in before she met David. She couldn’t achieve orgasm with anyone else and was frustrated with solo sex. She ended up throwing the porn video tapes.

Leila saw the “Shy guy” again while on a bus. She got down the bus and took him to her apartment. She started screaming at him to get out of her home and that he couldn’t make her come at all when they were having sex. She started breaking down in tears.

Leila’s cousin came over her place to watch porn together. She asked Leila to come over for her final wedding dress fitting and she agreed. It was probably the first time Leila smiled for some time.

Leila’s house which she grew up in was sold. Her parents had stopped living together for a long time. When she visited her dad, there was a tinge of unspoken sadness when she comforted her dad that she would still visit him and that he could visit her at her place and they could have dinner together. As she hugged her father, she said, “Actually, it’s not that hard to be alone.”

On the other hand, David could not keep up with the pretence any longer. The girlfriend whom he had been with for a long time, he did not love her. When she hugged him, he apologized to her. At that point of time, he had realized that the one he loved was Leila and not his longtime girlfriend.

It was Leila’s cousin’s big day. Leila was late for her wedding day at the church and we could see her riding her bicycle on the way to the church. Along the way, David spotted her and drove after her. When she went in the church where the ceremony had already started, David waited outside for Leila. The bride, groom and everyone came out cheering and David came out of his pickup and went up to Leila. However, Leila could not bear to say a thing and the couple was in an awkward position looking at each other without exchanging a word.

Leila’s cousin pulled her away and asked David, “So are you coming with us?” Everyone went to this ballroom place where they danced with one another. Leila was dancing with an elderly guest while David watched. Finally, David mustered the courage to go up to them and asked the guest if he could dance with Leila. The guest obliged and Leila stood there dumbfounded. Her cousin and a few others were looking and they seemed to know what was going on. Leila decided to leave the place. She started running down the streets to her home with David behind her. She closed the bathroom door when she reached her home and he begged her to open the door. He told her that he couldn’t find her as he did not know where she had moved to and that he did not want to leave her again. Leila opened the door and the two of them hugged each other. Being able to reunite after some time, the two realized that they did love each other…

The first half hour seemed as if the show was going down as a soft porn flick but thankfully, there was a plot. Quite a thought-provoking show when it gets you thinking about your perspective on love and sex. There are some couples who indulge in passionate love. Sex has meaning only when it comes with love. It becomes meaningless when one is indulging in the physical aspects because that’s not what it is about. Humans can’t live without touch and this show amplifies this aspect. We all crave for someone who’ll hug us or hold us and care for us.

I suppose people sometimes do things to hurt the ones they love but they still do it anyway. Even if there is a reason which the receiving party knows of, it will still hurt. Why is it that people can’t be true to themselves instead of putting on a false front? Love needn’t be painful or uncertain if people can just bare their souls to each other and confide in each other. People can be in doubt or uncertain in love. But if a party does not clarify issues he is uncertain about and starts assuming that he knows what the other party is thinking or feeling, the relationship starts going down a slippery slope. It’s sad when one party bares her soul only to be rejected by her loved one. Leila was probably heartbroken. They say love is a game but those who treat it as such are not in love. It never is a game in the first place so why do we end up playing mind games? In movies, there are always happy endings but how many happy endings are there in reality? The truth is even if your loved one has hurt you, you can never find a reason to stop loving him. All you want to do is forgive and dispel the troubles in the past.

It’s hard to be alone. When you know the one you love is not physically there with you and separated from you. You try to numb your feelings but it still hurts all the same. Sometimes, you get so desperate to fill this void by seeking company only to find the emptiness getting stronger and feeling more lonely as a result. You feel that everything is pointless and you wouldn’t mind if you were dead just so you couldn’t feel anymore.

You start doing things that he enjoys doing to feel a part of him even though he’s not physically there with you. You can smell his scent when you least expect it. You experience all kinds of emotions ranging from elation to despair when you think of him. You just cannot stop thinking about him and you get upset when you can feel that he’s sad. You try to experience all the emotions he’s feeling so that even when he’s not there physically, he’s still there emotionally and spiritually. You start asking yourself why you can’t be together with him and whether this was part of God’s plan or a joke played on the two of you. You keep hoping that you can be with him together again and you know that wishes will come true for the most sincere and faithful.

You don’t give a damn about people who keep trying to tell you that what you are doing is a waste of time and stupid and trying to persuade you to forget about the one you love because you know yourself better than anyone else what is going on. They view love as a practical thing and it doesn’t match with your views at all. They don’t understand what is going on because they have never experienced love in this way before. All they know is love which fits in their expectations and convenience. To them, love is not their priority in life because there are other “important” things such as career, friends and whatever not. If they are happy thinking this way, go ahead but don’t bother persuading others to change themselves to fit in your perspectives. So what if you are unhappy or torturing yourself in their perspective? Everything that you do is for a reason and that reason gives you strength to carry on what you are doing. Sometimes you feel like giving up, turning your back on everything when it gets too painful but you just force yourself to keep trying and not to give up hope...

imlost...
inafairytale

Sunday, May 07, 2006
8:44 PM

~You are My Sunshine~

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are grey
You never know dear
How much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

This film captures so well what it feels like to fall in love, only to have it all slip away. A heartrending tale of love won and lost.

Two main characters:
Suk-Jung, 27 is an innocent, naïve ranch farmer who owns a cow he always talks to. Basically the oafish boorish country boy who’s filial to mother and so charming in an innocent kind of way.
Eun Ha, 30 is a vivacious seductress who works at a coffee house where she provides special services with coffee delivery. She moonlights at a ktv lounge at night. (The translation called it a bar, whatever.) She always wears short skirts which show off her long slender legs. She was the typical bad girl who smokes, drinks and seduces.

Story begins:
Eun Ha and her gal-cum-room mate-cum colleague happen to witness a commotion outside a foreign brides agency where Suk-Jung demands to have a refund. They were startled when he starting throwing rocks at the windows and seeing him being held down by a group of men as he was struggling. They were unaware of what the matter was about and they hurriedly make their way home.

Next, the scene runs to Eun Ha’s gal pal telling her the actual reason why Suk-Jung was fighting. Eun Ha laughed in a mocking manner about his intentions to get hitched so badly.

Suk-Jung declares that he would rather be single his whole life than to marry someone he did not love.

A few days later, as Suk-Jung was riding on his bike to run an errand, he saw Eun Ha and her group of friends who work at the coffee house on bikes as well. As she rode past him, he fell in love at first sight with her at that instant. In his heart, he thought she was the most beautiful girl in the whole world. However, Suk-Jung did not take notice of Eun Ha. Suk-Jung then followed the girls to outside the coffee house.

Suk-Jung accompanies his boss and friend to a bar for a fun time as a celebration as he had managed to get most of his money back from the foreign brides agency and was shocked to see Eun Ha there. Eun Ha tried to make him drink but Suk-Jung refused. Seeing him so awkward, she kept teasing him non-stop that she liked guys who didn’t drink and she thought he was so cute and innocent. Eun Ha hugged him and we can see his face turning red. Suk-Jung eventually relented and drank a few glasses when she cajoled him to drink, Suk-Jung was shy and uncomfortable around Eun Ha, for the girl of his dreams was interacting with him!

The next day, Suk-Jung visited Eun Ha at the coffee house. Having amasses a large amount of savings previously to marry a foreign bride, he ordered coffee to be sent to a hotel which was the routine as part of the coffee deal. The girls provided special services when they went on their coffee delivery rounds. Eun Ha tried to seduce Suk-Jung by removing her clothes leaving only her lingerie on. It was a comical scene as we see him shaking while preparing coffee for her and taking bread for her. So kind and sweet of him to be so thoughtful. When he tried fending off her sexual advances, it was really a funny sight. All he wanted to do was to let her take a rest as she must be tired from holding two jobs. She had said that he wasn’t that innocent after all since he ordered coffee. She laughed and joked that he was so innocent and naïve and she liked him for that. She proceeded to make a move on him. They ended up falling off the bed as he tried frantically to stop her from removing his clothes. However, she managed to take his virginity away as we all know. Of course they will do the deed. After that, he was so ecstatic. He told his friends how wonderful she was and that she had the most perfect body.

The very next day, Suk-Jung started to put 2 bottles of milk which he got from his cowand a rose outside her home. This became a daily habit. We can see how in love and silly he was. Alas, Eun Ha dislikes drinking milk as it gives her the runs. She pours the milk down the sink every time. Her gal pal commented that she was cruel and he would most probably be heart broken to know that she did not appreciate his efforts.

After that incident, Suk-Jung kept calling for coffee everyday but he was still shy. All he wanted to do was just be with her but he did not want to see her to engage her service. All he wanted was to see her.

One day, Suk-Jung helped Eun Ha to clean the coffee house sign and she thought of getting more bottles of milk from him to bathe with as she talked to her gal pal. She passed him a handkerchief after his task. He ended up smelling the handkerchief and doing weird stuff with it. Like jerking off in his room while smelling the handkerchief. Then it was really funny when his mother opened the door and he stopped what he was doing and pretended to be asleep.

He asked her out for a movie at a drive-in one fine day and she agreed. In the movie, the woman exclaims, “Love changes.” After the show has ended, he discussed the show with her. Him: I don’t understand. How can love change? Her: Love changes. Everything in the world changes. Nothing in the world is forever. Him: No. Love doesn’t change. When you love someone it is forever. Then they continued talking till Her: You are too good to me. Too much devotion is stupid. All this while, she did not really like him. In her mind, he was like a loser. She told him that just because they caught a movie together, it did not mean that they were dating. She said that she would not love anyone and she did not expect anyone to like her (coz of her job). The only reason she agreed to his date was that she appreciated his help for cleaning the sign and for being nice to her. He declared his love for her and requested that she not work at the coffeehouse so he could take care of her. He proposed to her but she spurned him, telling him not to look for her or doing silly redundant things again because she did not love him and he was not her type at all. She went home…

The next day, Suk-Jung waited for her at the hotel. Him: I really want to marry you. I love you very much. Please stop working at the coffee house. Her: Who do you think you are? I already told you not to look for me. You are so poor and you want me to stop working? She slapped him and says: “I enjoy working and I love money. You are not my type. I just dislike guys like you.” She storms off..

He did not give up. The same night, he waited for her outside the bar. He apologized for the incident hat occurred earlier on in the day. She was drunk because she was confused as to whether she loved him and whether to reciprocate his affections. As usual, she used her coin flipping method to make choices. That was to determine whether she would accept a ride from him home. He lost but she said, “Seeing that you are so sincere, I’ll take your ride home. The scene where she puts her arms around him was kind of cute as she sat sideways on his bike. He played music on a radio which he bought specially for her listening pleasure.

With his earnest persistence and sincerity she no longer treated him with contempt and she began warming up to him. She was no longer hostile to him but it was not to be when his mother who always wanted him to marry a decent girl says, “You are not to marry her. Over my dead body.”

His mother drags him to the coffee house for a blind date with a girl. Eun Ha was very miserable when she saw the 3 of them. Eun Ha’s gal pal: he keeps saying that he loves you but what is doing now? Coming here for a blind date!
Eun Ha was disappointed and upset but she could not do anything. A coffee order comes and Eun Ha volunteers to do the coffee delivery service instead of the usual coin flipping method which would decide whether her gal pal or she would need to go. As she opened the door, Suk-Jung turned to look at her. As she sat on her bike, he gazed at her longingly outside and felt totally guilty.

Eun Ha proceeds to the hotel. The fierce-looking customer kept trying to be funny with her but she kept trying to fend off his advances. She was very annoyed and she flashed her undies when he insisted to look at the design.
Eun Ha: Look. They are polka-dotted. All right?!
She wanted to leave but he kept trying to force himself on her.
Him: You slut! Don’t pretend to be pure and innocent. You cheap slut.
Her: You disgusts me and I’m turned off just by looking at you.
As soon as she retorted that, the crazy customer started to turn violent and inflicted blows on her.
Him: I hate people to say that I turn them off.
Blows just kept raining on her fragile body and finally, the ordeal only ceased when he smashed his beer bottle on her head. Eun Ha could not put up a struggle anymore as she was knocked unconscious lying helplessly in a pool of blood.

Eun Ha was in the hospital. As she woke up, she saw Suk-Jung had been by her side all along holding her hand and putting his head on her body as he fell asleep. He awoke too and the two started talking.
Him: I’m really sorry.
Her: Aren’t you supposed to be on a blind date? What are you doing here?
Of course things will turn out fine from there when he pacifies her and proclaims her to be the most beautiful in the world.
Her: You must be lying. How can I look beautiful with two black eyes?
Him: I’m not lying you are really the most beautiful girl.
He then proceeded to propose to her and she agreed.

2nd half of the story…
Everything went well like a fairy tale. Suk-Jung’s mother loved her for being a good daughter-in-law. Eun Ha was very considerate as she had bought a ticket for Suk-Jung’s mother to go on a vacation while she managed the affairs at home. Basically, Eun Ha was leading the simple life as a model wife and daughter-in-law. Life was great, the sex between the couple was fantastic (they did it everyday) and Eun Ha was enjoying the life she thought she abhorred earlier on when she declared she did not want to marry as she did not want to be a frumpy married woman haggling at the marketplace.

Suk-Jung and Eun Ha admiring the cherry blossoms and being playful with each other.
One could see the pure bliss they enjoyed and as they lied on the snow filled ground, they started talking.
Her: How much do you love me?
Him: I love you till I’ll die for you.
Her: How long will you love me?
Him: I will love you till the day I die. No, I will love you long after I die.
Her: Truly?
Him: Yes, I promise to take care of you all my life until the day you die.

It was not to be the happy days for long. Eun Ha’s past caught up with her. An abusive boyfriend showed up and tried to extort money from her. The crazy bugger was like a perpetual stalker: No matter where she went, he would always be able to track her wherabouts.
Ex: You think 5K can get me away from you?
The next thing we know, the crazy ex was screwing her in the bedroom of her home. Eun Ha was crying for she was not a willing party. He started harassing her by calling or visiting her everyday to blackmail her, threatening to expose the incident to Suk-Jung.

The asshole did look for Suk-Jung anyway and lied to him that Eun Ha was his wife, and showing him a photograph they had taken together. As Suk-Jung loved Eun Ha so much that he could not bear living his life without her, he sold his beloved cow which had been his confidante all the while to pay the ex so that there would not be trouble. He warned the ex not to show up again or else he would get beaten up. Suk-Jung hid the payment agreement outside his home and life was back to normal for a while before…

Another man showed up at Suk-Jung’s ranch. This time, the guy was a doctor. Earlier on in the story, Eun Ha had gone to a hospital to give blood and it was discovered that she was HIV positive. The doctor told him to get himself tested and to bring Eun Ha along for the checkup as well. Suk-Jung was being the considerate soul chose to bore the pain of hiding the her condition from her so that she would not be sad. He started withdrawing from Eun Ha and stayed overnights at the ranch without telling Eun Ha. Eun Ha could not understand why he was avoiding her. She became downcast and disappointed as she waited for him night after night to return home to her. Eventually, he did go to the hospital and the test came out negative.
Suk-Jung: How long does she have to live? Will she die?
Doctor: You have to think carefully about being with her. The disease is contagious, aren’t you afraid of getting infected?
The doctor proceeds to give inaccurate information about her condition. (I suppose people in the village did not understand this STD very well. Hence the misconception)
Suk-Jung: I want to look after her and live with her till the day she dies.

When Suk-Jung finally returned home from the ranch, all he saw was the sumptuous spread of dishes Eun Ha had whipped up for him. On the table was a letter she had left behind. Eun Ha had been waiting for Suk-Jung for days and as the days passed, the disappointment turned to dejection. After Suk-Jung read the letter, he dashed out of the home n the pouring rain, however she was already fall away from him on a bus to an urban area. In her letter, she mentioned that she was very thankful to him for helping her and that she was sorry for bringing him trouble. She also said that she would return the money she owed him as he sold his favourite cow. Eun Ha had discovered the truth. She decided to work as a prostitute in a brothel to pay him back.

Eun had never stopped loving Suk-Jung even though they were apart. She put the photograph she had taken with him together in the room where she works. Whenever, she had a client, she would put the picture faced down as she could not bear to face her guilt knowing that she was letting him down. Eun Ha was leading a decadent lifestyle. She loved Suk-Jung very much but she was determined not to let Suk-Jung find her.

On the other side of the picture, Suk-Jung had been looking for Eun Ha for a year without avail. He tried following the clue through the remittance form she had sent him to pay him back. However, there was no address in which he could look for her. Suk-Jung became despondent and turned to drinking heavily and lost his appetite. He lost a lot of weight and he would not listen to his family or friends when they advised him to forget her, give up on his search for her and pretend that she never existed. However, he loved Eun Ha too much to let the memories go and he chose to torture himself. It was a heart wrenching sight to see him wasting away but there was no way he could live a happy life without his beloved Eun Ha.

There was a police raid on the brothel Eun ha was working in. When Suk-Jung heard the news, he went straight to the police station. With a beer bottle in his hand, he lost control of his emotions and he threw the bottle on the ground when he saw Eun Ha. He had found her! Suk-Jung became hysterical and created a din at the police station.

Eun Ha had a police case against her for engaging in immoral activities and wilfully causing harm to others. This was due to her being aware of HIV status and yet she still engaged in prostitution, endangering the lives of others. Actually all along, she would offer condoms to her clients but if they refused then she would follow their wishes. Eun Ha had a lawyer to defend her and was sympathetic towards her. One could not help crying when she broke down: “Do I look like a girl with AIDS to you? This can’t be happening. I didn’t know I have AIDS. I want to retake the test. It must be wrong. This can’t be true!”

Even as Eun ha was in police custody, she refused to see Suk-Jung at all. It was like a self-imposed refusal to let him see her. She was ashamed to see him as she had disappointed him and let him down. Despite this, every day without fail, Suk-Jung would go to the police station in the hope that Eun Ha would agree to see him but Eun Ha was stubborn. He was very desperate to help her in the case as he did not want to see anything bad happen to her. He accepted the media’s interview which led to the whole case becoming a big story in his village. Suk-Jung’s brother admonished him for shaming the whole family and warned him that the family would disown him if he was insistent on taking care of the ill Eun Ha. Suk-Jung’s mother at this time teared profusely as she was lying down in the room, awoken by the harsh conversation. She was very sad to see Suk-Jung devastated and she was sympathetic to her daughter-in-law. Due to the media reports, the whole town had to be tested for HIV.

Suk-Jung was watching the tape which was taken at his wedding. Eun Ha was singing happily. On looking at her son’s behavior, Suk-Jung’s mother stopped the tape by destroyed it by pulling the film out. Suk-Jung could not take it. He grabbed the tape from his mother and sobbed loudly.

Suk-Jung’s brother brought his mother to visit Eun ha and warned her not to see Suk-Jung. He kept insulting her repeatedly. His mother on the other hand advised her to take care of her body. Eun Ha agreed. The case went on trial and Eun Ha was sentenced to 2.5 years of imprisonment.

During the period of Eun Ha’s imprisonment, Suk Jung would faithfully go to the prison in the hope of her agreeing to see him every day. However, he was still desvastated and he wanted to give up on himself. One day as he was sitting in the living room with the mother, he did the most unthinkable thing.
Mother: Just forget her and take it that she never existed in your life.
All this while, she was weeping as she was always by her son’s side and she was heartbroken to see her son mistreating himself.
Mother: Is it not enough that I’m by your side? I’m still living.
Suk-Jung shocked her when he retorted, “You have lived long enough. Are you going to be there when I die? I don’t need you or anyone at all. I only want to be with Eun Ha.
Mother (visibly shaken and upset): Why don’t we die together by drinking this?
There was a bowl of milky cleaning fluid in front of the. Suk-Jung grabbed it and drank everything. He coughed up blood and was rushed to the hospital. However, the corrosive liquid had destroyed his voice box.

Eun Ha kept looking at the 2 pictures she had placed on the wall which she took with Suk-Jung everyday. All this while, she still loved Suk-Jung dearly but she still persisted in her refusal to see him.

Suk-Jung took some time to recover from his injuries. His mother did not leave his side all this while, taking care of him at the hospital and tending to his needs.

Eun Ha finally agreed to see Suk-Jung for it was their wedding anniversary. She groomed herself properly for the occasion, however, she was cold and cruel while speaking to him.
She: Now you can see that I’m fine so don’t come here again. You are too good to me and I’ve ruined your life.
All this while she was forcing herself to put on a brave front in saying the things which were exactly opposite of how she felt. As the signal for the time up for the visit to end sounded, Suk-Jung took out a slip of paper and showed it to her. In it: Suk-Jung wants to live with Eun ha and promise to take care of her for the rest of her life until he dies. Eun ha kept taunting him to speak up but he could not speak. When the alarm kept sounding, tears started rolling down his cheeks as he struggled to speak. Eun Ha discovered that something was wrong. She panicked and refused to leave with the prison officer, desperately banging on the glass. Tears started swelling in her eyes. Suk-Jung became extremely uncontrollable and pulled out the alarm system which was attached on top of the glass divider. Through the hole, he grabbed her hand and the prison officers on both sides struggled to separate them by pulling them. The scene was extremely intense. It makes one want to lament the unfairness and cruelty which life had dealt on the two lovers.

Eun Ha was released from prison. Suk-Jung builds a cute snowman for her and she hugs him. The movie ends with the song “You are My Sunshine” playing in the background, while they were in a truck enjoying each other’s company and laughing together. Due to Eun Ha’s condition, she seemed to have aged a lot due to the ordeals she faced however, this all didn’t mean a thing as the two lovers were reunited. We all know this was going to be a short-lived happiness as she would be dying soon. But after going through so much together and suffering along the way, what mattered was they could be together again.

This movie came with the based on a true story tag. If this was really true, I wish I can ask the heavens why this could happen to two people who truly loved each other. What is true love? True love is making a promise to love each other for life and keeping it: no matter what happens, even in sickness or poverty. The marriage vows are meaningful but very few keep their vows and don’t understand what they are promising to do. True love is making sacrifices and suffering for the one he loves even though it can be extremely difficult, painful and hurtful.

People who don’t know what love is would say that the couple in the movie is foolish. If you truly love a person, you will shut yourself out from these “rational” people who never believe in love. Love is illogical, it’s a feeling not based on reason. It drives one to do crazy and incredible things. Love is not stupidity at all. The things one wants to do for love reflects the very essence of life itself. It is powerful as it allows one to live and breathe just believing in it. It gives one reason to live on.

Life is meaningless without love. If given a choice, death is a better option to living if love never existed. If you love someone truly, you’ll never be able to love another even if temptations abound. Your whole life revolves around him and you will never stop loving the person even in death or after death. No matter how much your loved one hurts you, you will never be able to allow the love to fade or be reduced, instead the feelings grow stronger. All you ask for is to be together with the one you love and he loves you too. That’s the only thing in life that is worth living for. It’s not family, friends, money or material things which are the most important in your life: It’s actually your beloved. You become fearless of dying for him because you are no longer afraid of the unknown after death but the idea that you won’t be able to love him anymore. The best ending in life would be to be with the one you love the most, to take care of him till the day you die and make him happy. That’s the most blissful joy in the whole universe which transcends time and space. Only then one would be able to die without regrets.

People these days would say that the notion of true love no longer exists. It still does just that people are too blinded to see it or believe in it. Love these days is consumed by the gratification of lust, uncertainty and infidelity. How many people would not remarry after their spouse has passed away? Are they strong enough to bear with the loneliness when the physical presence of their loved one is no longer there? How many people would not give up when problems show up in relationships or marriages? Faith has become something so difficult to grasp. Even if there are obstacles, perseverance would bring about a happy ending. Absence does not create a distance, it makes the heart grow fonder. Love is stronger than what most people would perceive. You will put yourself through hurt but you will not want to hurt your loved one. To be able to experience true love in one’s lifetime would mean the person is incredibly blessed and fortunate. I don’t deny I’m envious of these people. My mother says that life cannot exist on love alone but I beg to differ.

The saddest thing in the world is for love to be conditional. True love comes without strings attached. You don’t tell someone that you will love them only if they do certain things. You just love them because you want. You can’t find any reason why you fell in love them. It just happens. I love this quote from Moulin Rouge: The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love and be loved in return. How true. To people who think that romantic love is nothing but frivolous passion for the likes of sensitive souls who dabble in poetry or the arts, you don’t know what you are missing on. Your life is empty with an endless void.

Love contradicts. You can be both selfish and selfless in love at the same time but who can tell you what is right or wrong? Selfishness can be defined as wanting to be with the one you love or it can be defined as wanting to seek happiness for oneself at the expense of your loved one through actions which hurt him through lies or engaging in conditional love. If one hurts his partner intentionally, that is no longer love. It has evolved into something else yet it is not straightforward as thinking that it has evolved to hatred. It becomes unrecognizable and I have no idea what they label or call this. Maybe nobody believes in the notion of true love anymore, it has become just another idealistic theory or outdated principle in present times. For something which is difficult to attain and not tangible, if you can’t touch or see it, does it mean this does not exist? Nothing is impossible. Things only become impossible if you believe it to be so and close your heart to what it truly desires.

imlost...
inafairytale

8:38 PM

~Gloomy Sunday by Sarah McLachlan~

Sunday is Gloomy,
My hours are slumberless,
Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless,
Little white flowers will never awaken you.

Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you,
Angels have no thought of ever returning you,
Would they be angry if I thought of joining you,
Gloomy Sunday.

Sunday is gloomy,
With shadows I spend it all,
My heart and I have decided to end it all,
Soon there’ll be flowers and prayers that are sad,
I know, let them not weep,
Let them know that I’m glad to go.

Death is no dream,
For in death I’m caressing you,
With the last breath of my soul I’ll be blessing you,
Gloomy Sunday.

Dreaming,
I was only dreaming,
I wake and I find you,
Asleep in the deep of,
My heart,
Dear.

Darling, I hope that my dream never haunted you,
My heart is telling you how much I wanted you,
Gloomy Sunday.

Is it true that when you lose something you will learn to cherish it?

imlost...
inafairytale

Saturday, April 29, 2006
12:21 AM

~Silence doesn't mean apathy~

http://www.bbsland.org/music/other/ChangHuan.mp3

Silence is when one doesn't know what he should say.
Silence is when one is afraid of facing rejection.
Being apart physically doesn't stop one from being a part of the other person's life.
He has never walked away from the one and he doesn't bear any grudge or hatred.
He remembers every word he has spoken to the one and he means them.
Sometimes one ends up putting barriers between himself and others even when he wants to be close.
When he's close to someone he becomes afraid and puts a distance between himself and others.
He chooses to do so because he's afraid he'll forget the one.
However, this fear is unfounded because the one never left his heart.
The one has been living in his heart all the while despite the trying times.
He chooses to be alone because only then he's connected to the one even when they are apart.
When one is alone he never stops thinking about the one who means a lot to him.
He ends up understanding the other person thoroughly and can feel every thought and emotion connected with the one.
He hopes the one is happy but sometimes things doesn't work that way.
He feels sad but he doesn't want the one to worry.
He wishes to speak but no words can come out from his mouth.
He wants to care and support the one but he can't bring himself to say it.
He always remembers what the one has promised him and he has never given up.
He wishes all the agony the one is suffering would be his instead.
He never stops being there for the one.
He just hopes the one can express his truest and most vulnerable side to him.
He will never judge but will instead try to comfort and embrace the one so he doesn't have to hide his truest or rawest emotions and thoughts.
He knows things are hard now but he holds on because he knows that things will turn around one day.
He knows that no matter how bleak the situation seems now, wishes do come true for the most faithful.
Call it blind faith or stupidity it doesn't matter.

imlost...
inafairytale

Saturday, April 22, 2006
7:57 AM

~The Virgin Suicides~

Excerpt: "The Virgin Suicides"
from courtesy of Time Warner Bookmark
by Jeffrey Eugenides Time Warner Books1993

On the morning the last Lisbon daughter took her turn at suicide-it was Mary this time, and sleeping pills, like Therese-the two paramedics arrived at the house knowing exactly where the knife drawer was, and the gas oven, and the beam in the basement from which it was possible to tie a rope. They got out of the EMS truck, as usual moving much too slowly in our opinion, and the fat one said under his breath, "This ain't TV, folks, this is how fast we go." He was carrying the heavy respirator and cardiac unit past the bushes that had grown monstrous and over the erupting lawn, tame and immaculate thirteen months earlier when the trouble began.

Cecilia, the youngest, only thirteen, had gone first, slitting her wrists like a Stoic while taking a bath, and when they found her, afloat in her pink pool, with the yellow eyes of someone possessed and her small body giving off the odor of a mature woman, the paramedics had been so frightened by her tranquillity that they had stood mesmerized. But then Mrs. Lisbon lunged in, screaming, and the reality of the room reasserted itself: blood on the bath mat; Mr. Lisbon's razor sunk in the toilet bowl, marbling the water. The paramedics fetched Cecilia out of the warm water because it quickened the bleeding, and put a tourniquet on her arm. Her wet hair hung down her back and already her extremities were blue. She didn't say a word, but when they parted her hands they found the laminated picture of the Virgin Mary she held against her budding chest.

That was in June, fish-fly season, when each year our town is covered by the flotsam of those ephemeral insects. Rising in clouds from the algae in the polluted lake, they blacken windows, coat cars and street-lamps, plaster the municipal docks and festoon the rigging of sailboats, always in the same brown ubiquity of flying scum. Mrs. Scheer, who lives down the street, told us she saw Cecilia the day before she attempted suicide. She was standing by the curb, in the antique wedding dress with the shorn hem she always wore, looking at a Thunderbird encased in fish flies. "You better get a broom, honey," Mrs. Scheer advised. But Cecilia fixed her with her spiritualist's gaze. "They're dead," she said. "They only live twenty-four hours. They hatch, they reproduce, and then they croak. They don't even get to eat."' And with that she stuck her hand into the foamy layer of bugs and cleared her initials: C.L.

We've tried to arrange the photographs chronologically, though the passage of so many years has made it difficult. A few are fuzzy but revealing nonetheless. Exhibit #1 shows the Lisbon house shortly before Cecilia's suicide attempt. It was taken by a real estate agent, Ms. Carmina D'Angelo, whom Mr. Lisbon had hired to sell the house his large family had long outgrown. As the snapshot shows, the slate roof had not yet begun to shed its shingles, the porch was still visible above the bushes, and the windows were not yet held together with strips of masking tape. A comfortable suburban home. The upper-right second-story window contains a blur that Mrs. Lisbon identified as Mary Lisbon. "She used to tease her hair because she thought it was limp," she said years later, recalling how her daughter had looked for her brief time on earth. In the photograph Mary is caught in the act of blow-drying her hair. Her head appears to be on fire but that is only a trick of the light. It was June 13, eighty-three degrees out, under sunny skies.

When the paramedics were satisfied they had reduced the bleeding to a trickle, they put Cecilia on a stretcher and carried her out of the house to the truck in the driveway. She looked like a tiny Cleopatra on an imperial litter. We saw the gangly paramedic with the Wyatt Earp mustache come out first-the one we'd call "Sheriff" when we got to know him better through these domestic tragedies-and then the fat one appeared, carrying the back end of the stretcher and stepping daintily across the lawn, peering at his police-issue shoes as though looking out for dog shit, though later, when we were better acquainted with the machinery, we knew he was checking the blood pressure gauge. Sweating and fumbling, they moved toward the shuddering, blinking truck. The fat one tripped on a lone croquet wicket. In revenge he kicked it; the wicket sprang loose, plucking up a spray of dirt, and fell with a ping on the driveway. Meanwhile, Mrs. Lisbon burst onto the porch, trailing Cecilia's flannel nightgown, and let out a long wail that stopped time. Under the molting trees and above the blazing, overexposed grass those four figures paused in tableau: the two slaves offering the victim to the altar (lifting the stretcher into the truck), the priestess brandishing the torch (waving the flannel nightgown), and the drugged virgin rising up on her elbows, with an otherworldly smile on her pale lips.

Mrs. Lisbon rode in the bark of the EMS truck, but Mr. Lisbon followed in the station wagon, observing the speed limit. Two of the Lisbon daughters were away from home, Therese in Pittsburgh at a science convention, and Bonnie at music camp, trying to learn the flute after giving up the piano (her hands were too small), the violin (her chin hurt), the guitar (her fingertips bled), and the trumpet (her upper lip swelled). Mary and Lux, hearing the siren, had run home from their voice lesson across the street with Mr. Jessup. Barging into that crowded bathroom, they registered the same shock as their parents at the sight of Cecilia with her spattered forearms and pagan nudity. Outside, they hugged on a patch of uncut grass that Butch, the brawny boy who mowed it on Saturdays, had missed. Across the street, a truckful of men from the Parks Department attended to some of our dying elms. The EMS siren shrieked, going away, and botanist and his crew withdrew their insecticide to watch the truck. When it was gone, they began spraying again. The stately elm tree, also visible in the foreground of Exhibit #1, has since succumbed to the fungus spread by Dutch elm beetles, has been cut down.

The paramedics took Cecilia to Bon Secours Hospital on Kercheval and Maumee. In the emergency room Cecilia watched the attempt to save her life with an eerie detachment. Her yellow eyes didn't blink, nor did she flinch when they stuck a needle in her arm. Dr. Armonson stitched up her wrist wounds. Within five minutes of the transfusion he declared her out of danger. Chucking her under her chin, he said, "What are you doing here, honey? You're not even old enough to know how bad life gets."

And it was then Cecilia gave orally what was to be her only form of suicide note, and a useless one at that, because she was going to live: "Obviously, Doctor, she said, "you've never been a thirteen-year-old girl."

The Lisbon girls were thirteen (Cecilia), and fourteen (Lux), and fifteen (Bonnie), and sixteen (Mary), and seventeen (Therese). They were short, round-buttocked in denim, with roundish cheeks that recalled that same dorsal softness. Whenever we got a glimpse, their faces looked indecently revealed, as though we were used to seeing women in veils. No one could understand how Mr. and Mrs. Lisbon had produced such beautiful children. Mr. Lisbon taught high-school math. He was thin, boyish, stunned by his own gray hair. He had a high voice, and when Joe Larson told us how Mr. Lisbon had cried when Lux was later rushed to the hospital during her own suicide scare, we could easily imagine the sound of his girlish weeping.

Whenever we saw Mrs. Lisbon we looked in vain for some sign of the beauty that must have once been hers. But the plump arms, the brutally cut steel-wool hair, and the librarian's glasses foiled us every time. We saw her only rarely, in the morning, fully dressed though the sun hadn't come up, stepping out to snatch up the dewy milk cartons, or on Sundays when the family drove in their paneled station wagon to St. Paul's Catholic Church on the Lake. On those mornings Mrs. Lisbon assumed a queenly iciness. Clutching her good purse, she checked each daughter for signs of makeup before allowing her to get in the car, and it was not unusual for her to send Lux back inside to put on a less revealing top. None of us went to church, so we had a lot of time to watch them, the two parents leached of color, like photographic negatives, and then the five glittering daughters in their homemade dresses, all lace and ruffle, bursting with their fructifying flesh.

Only one boy had ever been allowed in the house. Peter Sissen had helped Mr. Lisbon install a working model of the solar system in his classroom at school, and in return Mr. Lisbon had invited him for dinner. He told us the girls had kicked him continually under the table, from every direction, so that he couldn't tell who was doing it. They gazed at him with their blue febrile eyes and smiled, showing their crowded teeth, the only feature of the Liabon girls we could ever find fault with. Bonnie was the only one who didn't give Peter Sissen a secret look or kick. She only said grace and ate her food silently, lost in the piety of a fifteen-year-old. After the meal Peter Sissen asked to go to the bathroom, and because Therese and Mary were both in the downstairs one, giggling and whispering, he had to use the girls', upstairs. He came back to us with stories of bedrooms filled with crumpled panties, of stuffed animals hugged to death by the passion of the girls, of a crucifix draped with a brassiere, of gauzy chambers of canopied beds, and of the effluvia of so many young girls becoming women together in the same cramped space. In the bathroom, running the faucet to cloak the sounds of his search, Peter Sissen found Mary Lisbon's secret cache of cosmetics tied up in a sock under the sink: tubes of red lipstick and the second skin of blush and base, and the depilatory wax that informed us she had a mustache we had never seen. In fact, we didn't know whose makeup Peter Sissen had found until we saw Mary Lisbon two weeks later on the pier with a crimson mouth that matched the shade of his descriptions.

Storyline
At the outset of the novel, the Lisbons seem like a normal Catholic family. The father is a math teacher at the local high school and the mother is a homemaker. The family has five daughters: 13-year old Cecilia, 14-year-old Lux, 15-year-old Bonnie, 16-year-old Mary, and 17-year-old Therese. (Despite this, the very first sentence of the novel makes its conclusion unmistakably clear.)
Their lives change dramatically within one summer when Cecilia, a stoic and astute girl, attempts suicide by cutting herself. A few weeks later, the girls throw a chaperoned party at which Cecilia jumps from their second story window, ending her life.
Afterwards, life seemingly returns to normal for the Lisbons—although the cause of Cecilia’s suicide and its aftereffects on the family are popular subjects of neighborhood gossip. The mystique of the Lisbon girls also increases to the neighborhood boys.
Lux begins a romance with local heartthrob Trip Fontaine. Trip negotiates with the overprotective Mr. and Mrs. Lisbon to take Lux to a homecoming dance on the condition that he finds dates for the other three girls. The girls attend the dance but Trip and Lux sneak off afterwards to have sex and Lux misses curfew.
Afterwards, the Lisbons become recluses. The girls are pulled out of school and Mr. Lisbon is fired for his erratic behavior. The Lisbons do not care for their house or garden anymore. From a safe distance, all the people in the neighborhood watch the Lisbons, but no one can summon up the courage to intervene.
Afterwards, the Lisbons become increasingly fascinating to the neighborhood in general and the neighborhood boys in particular. The boys call the Lisbon girls and communicate by playing records over the telephone for the girls. Also, Lux begins a series of promiscuous sexual encounters on the Lisbon’s roof.
Eventually, the girls send a message to their distant admirers asking for help escaping the house. But moments after they arrive, the four sisters kill themselves in a suicide pact. Afterwards, Mr. and Mrs. Lisbon leave the neighborhood. The house is sold and most of the Lisbons’ personal effects are sold in a garage sale.

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